Seagull Soup

There is an old riddle, which goes like this:

A man arrives in a port from a ship, and the first thing he does is go to the local pub and order seagull soup. He eats one bite, then goes outside and kills himself. Why?

The answer:

The man had just been rescued from a deserted island, where he had been shipwrecked along with other passengers. The survivors ate seagull soup provided by the ship's cook to survive, but as the number of survivors dwindled, the man grew suspicious about the source of his food. When he eats the seagull soup in the port and it tastes nothing like what he had on the island, his suspicions are confirmed, and unable to live with the reality of being a cannibal, he kills himself.

While this may be the traditional response to the riddle, I have another theory: the man was an avid ornithologist, who especially loved seagulls. He had spent his whole life hearing that seagull soup was delicious, but refused to eat it on moral grounds. Finally, he is swayed to give it a try; he travels to this port, famous for having the best seagull soup. He tries some, and realizes that it is indeed the best thing he has ever tasted. Unable to live with the combination of regret at not having eaten seagull sooner and the remorse of eating his favorite bird, he kills himself.

Luckily, we here at RealFakeBirds™ have no moral qualms about eating our avian friends; we understand that it is all part of the circle of life. Birds tasting delicious is just another thing that makes them great. So, without further ado, I present the definitive, RealFakeBirds™ official recipe for seagull soup:

Seagull Soup

Ingredients:

• 2 quarts of poultry stock (homemade seagull stock is preferable, but a common chicken stock will do)
• 1 freshly caught seagull
• 3 tblsp olive oil or compound butter of choice
• 1 cup carrot, chopped into dime shapes
• 1 cup shiitake mushrooms, sliced
• 1 half yellow onion, finely grated
• 1 tblsp worcestershire sauce
• 3 bay leaves
• 1 tblsp ginger, finely grated
• 2 tsp garlic, finely grated
• bouquet garnis: thyme, rosemary, cilantro
• salt and pepper to taste
• green onions, finely chopped for garnish

Instructions:

1. Prepare the seagull. Pluck its feathers, remove the head and feet. Gut it. Remove any birdshot.
2. Rub the seagull down with olive oil or compound butter, garlic, ginger, and onion. In a 400ºF oven, roast the seagull for 25 minutes.
   (It may not be all the way cooked through yet, that is ok)
3. Move the seagull carcass and its accoutrement to a large stock pot. Cover with stock. Bring to a rolling boil, then back the heat down to a simmer.
4. Once simmmering, add the carrots, mushrooms, worcestershire sauce, and bouquet garnis. Salt and pepper to taste.
5. Simmer for 40 minutes. Remove the bouquet garnis. Taste for seasoning.
6. Serve in a bowl with green onions over top. Enjoy!