You've all heard of the Beatles: John, Paul, George and Ringo, The Fab Four, the most influential band of all time. But how much do you really know about them? Today we'll explore three theories about this Lonely Hearts Club Band, and I'll let you decide what's real.
Theory 1: Faul (Fake Paul)
Of the four men who formed the group, two have passed on. John Lennon was famously killed by some phony in December of 1980. George Harrison, the greatest Beatle, was taken by lung cancer in November of 2001. But Ringo Starr and Paul McCartney are still alive, and still performing to this day. Or so we're told. In reality, it may be that Ringo has already secured his place as both last to join the band, and last to leave this earth. Paul, the real Paul, died in a car wreck in November of 1966, at the height of Beatle-mania. Not wanting to let their fans down, the band chose to soldier on with a body double, a man by the name of Billy Shears.
In 2015, the World News Daily Report declared the following in an article:
In an exclusive interview with the Hollywood Inquirer, Mr. Starr explained that the “real” Paul McCartney had died in a car crash on November 9 1966, after an argument during a Beatles’ recording session. To spare the public from grief, the Beatles replaced him with a man named William Shears Campbell, who was the winner of a McCartney look-alike contest and who happened to have the same kind of jovial personality as Paul.”When Paul died, we all panicked!” claims Ringo, obviously very emotional. “We didn’t know what to do, and Brian Epstein, our manager, suggested that we hire Billy Shears as a temporary solution. It was supposed to last only a week or two, but time went by and nobody seemed to notice, so we kept playing along. Billy turned out to be a pretty good musician and he was able to perform almost better than Paul. The only problem was that he couldn’t get along with John, at all.”
The band would leave numerous clues about this old fashioned switcheroo throughout their later works. The cover of Abbey Road, for example, depicts the band in a funeral procession for Paul. Billy, playing the part of Paul, the dead man, wears no shoes. John wears white and leads the way, representing the priest. Ringo, in all black, represents the undertaker. And George, at the end of the line and wearing a blue collar denim affair, represents the grave digger. This theory is just the tip of the iceberg, and I would urge all of our readers to look deeper into this very serious public deception.
Theory 2: Klaatu, the Beatles reborn
In 1976, the album 3:47 EST was released by Capitol Records. No identifying information was known about the artist, nor was any offered, except for the name "Klaatu." People around the world took one listen and immediately saw the truth: it had been six years since the Beatles' tumultuous breakup, but they had gotten back together, and were once again making music together under the name Klaatu. Obviously they had changed their name to avoid the kind of press and fame that had ultimately led to their falling out the first time around. This time, they wanted the focus to remain on the music. Now, there are those who claim that Klaatu was not the Beatles reborn, but merely a trio of men from Canada (Terry Draper, John Woloschuck, and and Dee Long), but I defy you to listen to "We're Off You Know" and tell me that's not the Beatles.
Theory 3: The Beatles Never Existed
Ok this one may be the greatest conspiracy yet. You've all heard of the 2019 film Yesterday. It revolves around the premise of a struggling young musician who wakes up from a serious accident to find that he is the only one in the world who remembers the Beatles. No one else has any knowledge of their existence. Well here is a theory which posits that this is a near example of art imitating life, except that in real life, the inverse is true. That is to say, we all remember the Beatles existing, when they never did in the first place. I'll give you a moment to let that sink in.
Ok have you picked your jaw up off the floor? Good. So basically this theory boils down to the idea that the Beatles were really just a rotating cast of artists, playing the characters of "John" "Paul" "George" and "Ringo." There were also a series of clones involved. Eventually, the band became a sort of musical version of Finland (see our previous post), so governments and corporations everywhere agreed to maintain the ruse. One brave soul learned the truth and attempted to spread the news, via the website thebeatlesneverexisted.com, but the site was taken down and has never been restored. On can only assume that the poor creator is locked up in Guantanamo, subjected to daily bouts of water torture. The very fate, I fear, that awaits myself as I attempt to share the truth with you all through this blog. But it is a fate I willingly accept, because this site is just that great, and you, my dear readers, deserve this high tier, top notch content that I produce for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment